Very often we find ourselves living lives we’ve not designed. We get caught in the hustle of living and somehow in that process we neglect and in some cases give up on our dreams entirely.

With this quick reminder video, I challenge you to begin to explore your dreams further. To begin to live intentionally and on purpose. I want to hear from you in the comments. What are your challenges. What help do you need to begin to live intentionally and create a fulfilling life. And yes!! Your dreams are possible.

​Want to become the person you've always wanted to be or make major shifts in your life? Get 1:1 coaching. Book a free discovery session to see how I can help: www.christianasenibo.com/coaching.html

The desire to people please often comes from a number of places.

1. We don't want the discomfort of disappointing others
2. We want to be part of something
3. We want to be perceived as nice
4. We want to be perceived as competent
5. We want to maintain a particular status​

And I could go on.

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​I'm not talking about pleasing from a perspective of genuinely wanting to make some else happy. I'm talking about pleasing form the perspective of agreeing to do or be part of something when if all is stripped bare you'd rather decline. That's people pleasing. What we don't actively consider is that in saying yes to others against our better judgement we're doing a disservice to ourselves. When we chose to please others against our preference we unconsciously send a message to ourselves that we don't value or choices, that our thoughts and opinions are not that important.

When  we say yes when we really want to say no , we place those people and things on a higher priority than our goals. We in effect say, you are more important than anything else I want for my life right now. You didn't see that coming, did you?  In simply saying yes to someone or something, you didn't consider that you were trading off in that moment your own hopes, dreams , resource and plans for your day , life etc

Whenever you're people pleasing, you shut the door to something potentially beautiful or fulfilling for yourself. And if you people please long enough, you will significantly limit your full potential and opportunities because you'll be living for others and not yourself. You'll be helping make other people's goals and plans a reality and significantly failing on yours. Worst of all, when you consider that part of the reason you people please in the first place is to discharge the discomfort of disappointing others, by people pleasing you amplify feelings of animosity towards others and yourself so truly, it's a losing game either way.

People pleasing on a grander scale is the silencing of your voice. It steals your ability to choose what you desire for yourself. People pleasing keeps you quiet from fully expressing what you want and who you are.opk

So what should you do instead?

I thought you'd never ask?

Pretty much all humans are plagued with the dilemma of people pleasing, but by bringing awareness, you significantly minimize your chances of doing that. So if you're prone to people pleasing here are 3 practical steps that can begin to shift that pattern so that you can claim  your life back.

1. Break the Pattern. Always ask to come back to people when you're asked to doing something. Either say, "let me come back to you on that" or if it's something that needs a quick response, respond with "give me a minute please". Asking for some time is both about giving you time to think and breaking you out of the pattern of  responding impulsively. It brings awareness to the situation so that you're not mindlessly saying yes. You may feel awkward about it but it's OK. You've conditioned yourself to saying yes without fully thinking it through so changing your conditioning and not being the "miss saying yes" will feel strange both to you and others who are used to you saying yes.
2. Honour your opinion, thoughts and values. If people ask you to do something that is contrary to your opinion, value and thoughts instead of saying yes to avoid being awkward or different, gracefully decline. Your thoughts, values and opinion matter and should be prioritized over others. If you think, of course they do! Da! Remember that next time when you're asked to see a show which everyone is raving about but you consider absolutely senseless. Nonetheless you go anyway.
3. Be intentional with your day, your time and your life. If you're not intentional with your time others will make decisions for you. Be clear both on what you want to do and what you don't want to do. That way you can recognise both when someone shows up with a request. I imagine you're reading this because you want to be better. If so, this is how. Your time will be used either way so it may as well be used intentionally to achieve your own goals and plans for your life not others.

I hope you'll go out there and start "being strange" by breaking the pattern, honouring your thoughts, values and opinions and by being intentional. I'm routing for you!
To your new strange self :-)

Christiana 

​Don't we all do it? I mean seriously!! Remember when you went into your neighbour's house and sudden your beautiful "I absolutely love my house" becomes "gosh this house is not all that"! Since when might I ask? Well since you visited your neighbour's house.

Ok, here's the gist, 

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​ every time you compare yourself to others you shift from a mindset of enough and abundance to one of scarcity and inadequacy. Comparison instantly diminishes whatever you have and suddenly makes it not enough. But it goes deeper. When you compare yourself to others you bring that feeling of scarcity and inadequacy into other areas of your life.

How?

Every time you compare yourself, you programme your brain to see scarcity and lack, do this enough times and your brain would have been properly trained to see scarcity and inadequacy in other aspects of your life. And honey! Didi I tell you it goes deeper? It sure does.

See scarcity and inadequacy are two angry sisters who carry with them negativity wherever they go. So what you thought was a casual display of comparison, with regular practice could lead to stay put feelings that you're not enough. Your beautiful body, home, children, husband and job soon disappear and in its place you'll begin to feel like there's something missing. Your life that was once upbeat and hopeful could soon begin to look bleak and unexciting.

So how do you stop comparing yourself?

We don't all have the perfect lives and truth be told there may be aspects of your life that truly need changing. Beauty, if that's you, then go for it. Here's what I want you to genuinely do. Instead of comparing yourself, I want you to work on being a better you, to aim high and to play big. To look at people who are doing better than you and applaud them, learn from them, support them and let them inspire you. To look at your circumstances and be thankful for where you are even if you think you've not come far, because beautiful someone else somewhere would gladly swap places with you. And if you think; well, Christiana, I really don't have much for someone to aspire to my circumstances. I beg to differ - you have life. You're breathing, you're walking, you can give your children a hug, a bath. You may not have scaled your business as you wished but you've started, someone else hasn't. You may not have made director but you're in senior management - someone else somewhere is still praying to make manager.

You get my point.

So how do you stop comparing yourself again? Find contentment in life. Be thankful for the little you have. Keep a positive mindset because like above if you focus on thankfulness instead of comparison, you also programme your mind to see enough and abundance and with practices of thankfulness, gratitude sips into other areas of your life and seemingly little you have is more than enough. This also brings positivity and hopefulness into your life.


To Contentment in life

Christiana

I know I've been in situations where I've ascribed meaning to a not so good situation down to the fact that I wasn't .......... (fill in the blank) enough.
Because, honestly if I was ....... enough, that situation would not have happened. And I would spend hours, days and sometimes months just feeling different negative emotions.

If you’ve ever felt unworthy based on an experience. Don’t wallow in that feeling any longer!

I made this video just for you and I share how your worthiness is irrespective of your situation; but more importantly, I share how you can live everyday with confidence and some full-blown attitude of “I’m Enough”.

I would like to know how this video has helped you. If it does, please share it with anyone who needs an attitude make over to know they are enough.
 
To your enoughness
 
Christiana
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