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The desire to people please often comes from a number of places.
And I could go on.
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I'm not talking about pleasing from a perspective of genuinely wanting to make some else happy. I'm talking about pleasing form the perspective of agreeing to do or be part of something when if all is stripped bare you'd rather decline. That's people pleasing. What we don't actively consider is that in saying yes to others against our better judgement we're doing a disservice to ourselves. When we chose to please others against our preference we unconsciously send a message to ourselves that we don't value or choices, that our thoughts and opinions are not that important.
When we say yes when we really want to say no , we place those people and things on a higher priority than our goals. We in effect say, you are more important than anything else I want for my life right now. You didn't see that coming, did you? In simply saying yes to someone or something, you didn't consider that you were trading off in that moment your own hopes, dreams , resource and plans for your day , life etc
Whenever you're people pleasing, you shut the door to something potentially beautiful or fulfilling for yourself. And if you people please long enough, you will significantly limit your full potential and opportunities because you'll be living for others and not yourself. You'll be helping make other people's goals and plans a reality and significantly failing on yours. Worst of all, when you consider that part of the reason you people please in the first place is to discharge the discomfort of disappointing others, by people pleasing you amplify feelings of animosity towards others and yourself so truly, it's a losing game either way.
People pleasing on a grander scale is the silencing of your voice. It steals your ability to choose what you desire for yourself. People pleasing keeps you quiet from fully expressing what you want and who you are.opk
So what should you do instead?
I thought you'd never ask?
Pretty much all humans are plagued with the dilemma of people pleasing, but by bringing awareness, you significantly minimize your chances of doing that. So if you're prone to people pleasing here are 3 practical steps that can begin to shift that pattern so that you can claim your life back.
I hope you'll go out there and start "being strange" by breaking the pattern, honouring your thoughts, values and opinions and by being intentional. I'm routing for you!
To your new strange self :-)
Do you have goals and dreams you want to achieve? By becoming the best version of yourself and achieving the success you desire, together we can change the narrative of women. Coaching can help. Book your no-fee discovery call to find out how. You have everything to gain