© 2017. Christiana Senibo. All rights reserved
I remember once having a conversation with a lady; she said a lot of things that were hurtful and untrue. I remember leaving her presence and feeling absolutely small, insignificant and invisible. I went over her words in mind again and again, and with each reflection I felt smaller and smaller. Her words cut deeply, her expression was so alive with disdain and her disregard for me was enough to make me pray the earth would open up and hide me.
From then on, every time I saw her, I would hide. If she walked in one direction, I would head for the other. Needless to say that every time I saw her, I relieved the pain of my last encounter with her. This continued for a while until I came to realize this truth: every time I hold on to the pain, I give her permission to hurt me again.
It may seem ironic but she may never know her conversation with me hurt so deeply. She had been going about her business like nothing happened, oblivious to my pain but there I was relieving the painful experience and feeling overwhelmingly insignificant every time I saw her.
On learning this truth that holding on to the pain gave her permission to hurt me over and again, I decided I was going to reclaim my power to wholeness, self confidence and worthiness. She hurt me once and I wasn't going to let her hurt me again.
When you let a painful experience linger, you are literally giving that person permission to hurt you over and over again, it's as though you were going over that experience again. It's bad enough that they hurt you once, but by holding on to the experience you give away your power. Your self worth comes under fire, you lose self confidence, you compromise your happiness for pain and shame.
We cannot always control our experiences but we can control how we respond and our outcome. In order to reclaim my power, I made a decision to forgive. I didn't see it necessary to confront her about the conversation ( it's OK if you feel like you need to approach the person/people in question and clear the air) but I choose to forgive her for hurting me.
I believe for forgiveness to take place, truth telling always has to precede forgiveness. So in my case, I told the truth about my pain and anger and then I determined that I wasn't going to let it hurt me anymore. I wasn't going to give her the power to hurt me anymore, so I forgave her and let it go.
Then I went on to re affirm my self worth which in turn improved my self confidence. Through these process, I learnt the importance of practicing self compassion and self love and how they are essential in designing a fulfilling and successful life.
If you want to reclaim your power, forgiveness has to precede. Whether it's forgiving yourself or someone else, forgiveness is the first step. Get started. It's you're worth the freedom and happiness.
To wholeness and self love.
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