© 2017. Christiana Senibo. All rights reserved
Cross roads! We all get to them at some point in our lives. Maybe you are standing at one right now or are coming to one and the question you’re asking yourself and maybe others is what do I do? Where do I go from here? What should my next step be?
The big deal about crossroads is that you have to make a decision about whether to go left, right, forward or backward.
With so many options and high stakes when you don’t ‘get it right’. How do you know what the best decision is, one that wouldn’t leave a lot of or possibly no casualty at all. Which one would yield the best result?
You also have the added drama to contend with - what will your friends, family, associates think of your decision.
So you decide, screw all of that!!!
This is about me! But that doesn’t make it any better because here you are, still standing at the crossroad. So what do you do?
Here are some steps to get you started:
Whether it’s taking an hour a day, a few hours over time or going away (possibly a retreat); you need some time to yourself to figure things out.
Like most people, we all get so busy with life that we are constantly on auto pilot. Our lives are split into the segment of work, family, events, demands and the much needed time to get quiet and connect with our true selves is non-existent.
For some of you reading this, the very thought of taking an hour or more solely to yourself makes you so anxious you could break wind.
Well, let me help you; there’s actually healing power in taking time to be quiet. In those moments you get the sublime opportunity to reconnect with your true self – something that is so rare in our super-fast world today.
In taking time out to be quiet, you access parts of you that have been dormant. You re-connect with your wise self. You tap into your passion (not the other kind), you awaken your likes and connect with your hopes.
These are aspects of you that are dying a slow and painfully death when you’re constantly on autopilot.
This quiet time will give you the opportunity to think through what you really want and figure out what you know to be true to you. It will help you prioritise your values and get clarity on your next step.
This is the part where it’s OK to take off your mask.
I once heard a story of a newlywed woman. On her wedding night, just before she climbed into bed, she began to undress as you do! First, the false lashes came off, and then the makeup was wiped off.
Next, her hair extensions were removed followed by her finger nails. Then the teeth came off along with some other parts. As she got into bed, her newly wed husband jumped out. Curious she asked why he jumped out. At this, he exclaimed “there’s more of you on the chair than on the bed”.
As you look for direction for your next step, it’s OK to be vulnerable. Write down your fears – what are you afraid of in taking the next step and what could possibly go wrong.
When you’ve written out your fears follow that thought through to the end. Write out what would happen if those fears materialise e.g. if you break up that unhealthy relationship, the fear may be that you’ll be alone.
Next, write down what would happen if you’re alone and simply follow that thought through. You may find that your fear of not breaking up the relationship even when you know it’s unhealthy for you is because you’re afraid of being alone.
However; when you follow that fear through constantly asking what’s the worst that can happen, you’ll find that being alone may not be bad for you after all. You may come to realise that maybe you need some alone time again and the alone time will give you what you need to be who you want to be.
As you write down your fears, also write down your possibilities if you follow through.
It’s OK to fail
Most of us attribute failure to our experience in school when failure was layered with shame and the feeling of disconnection when we didn’t live up to our own expectations and others.
After you’ve taken out time to be quiet and connected with yourself, after that process of being vulnerable, it’s now time to take action. And in taking action the fear of failure is likely to kick in. Know that it’s OK not to get things smooth sailing at first.
You may stumble through different paths until you eventually find your rhythm. This, my lovely is OK. An anonymous quote reads “experience is what you get when you don’t get what you want”.
It’s OK to fail when taking your next step; because really it isn’t failure, it's learning and that’s brave.
So go out and take your next step regularly checking in to stay true to yourself.
To your beautiful next step!
Want help taking your next step, book a no fee clarity session to see how I can help:
I hope this article has helped you. Leave me a comment telling me about it or share your words of wisdom.
My aim is to shed light on the issues that affect women, equipping her to be confident, happy and successful.
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