Why We Hold Ourselves Back

By Christiana Senibo
You are probably more familiar with unfulfilled dreams, procrastination, complacence and an unwillingness to do what is necessary to get the results or see the change you really want. 

But maybe the deeper question we need to ask is why. Why are we indifferent to taking the steps necessary to see the changes we desire. Why do we procrastinate on our dreams? Why are we complacent in pursuing more happiness and joy? What is holding us back? When I talk to people about making the changes they want to see, there's usually that 'yeah I know' kind of grin but I'll do it later look. They agree they need to start exercising, be better listeners, save more, show more affection, start the business, take the professional course etc but somehow plan to do it "tomorrow".

There's  alot of how to information out there so that everyone can learn how to achieve what they want, so they problem is not that people don't have the information they need to achieve what they want. I believe the problem lies in understanding what stops us. If we are going to move from wishful thinking and wanting, to achieving and living our hopes, dreams and desires, we would need to dig deeper and find out why we hold ourselves back.

Here are a few reasons why people unconsciously hold themselves back:
We hold ourselves back sometimes as a result of uncertainty. The uncertainty of what lies outside our familiar environment keeps us from taking the vital step that could turn our lives in the direction we truly want. And uncertainty is OK, it's a normal human emotion, but the risk of stepping out of the familiar into the unfamiliar is a far less risk to take when compared to living as is and not knowing what is possible for you if only you would just step out. I am not recommending mindlessly taking decisions, but carefully making conscious decisions and taking actions that would move you in the direction of your desires.

Another reason people hold themselves back is the fear of emotional exposure. They are afraid to show how they really feel, afraid of being called soft or silly, afraid of being rejected, afraid of giving it all and getting nothing in return, afraid of being told you're not good enough. In response to that I say, it's far more courageous to show who you really are, live what you believe and do what you desire, than to live in the shadow of who you are, silently but desperately wishing and hoping for your circumstance to change. 

A third reason people hold themselves back is because they have adopted inauthentic goals. Inauthentic goals are goals you set that are not in line with who you are and what you want for your life. They are goals you set because it feels or looks nice. You'll feel important or look successful but in reality it's not a goal you would really like to set. And because these goals are not true to what you want, you find yourself unconsciously stopping yourself from going for it because you are unmotivated to achieving it. An example of this is going for a promotion for a job that you don't like, but you've been there for a while and your other colleagues have all got promotions and it "makes sense" for you to go for a promotion so as not to be left out. nd you set yourself this goal, even though it's not what you want.

A fourth reason people don't go for their goals is because they lack the discipline necessary. But I've come to find that when the first 3 blocks have been dealt with, it's alot easier to find the motivation you need you achieve success, thereby knocking off the fourth reason.

If we are going to go from would like, want or wish, to having, achieving and becoming what we desire; we would need to find out what is holding us back and name it. Only then can we move pass the limitation to victory. It's not enough to say "I don't know what's stopping me". If you are going to achieve the happiness, excitement an success you crave, it's time to look inward and identify what your block is and work through it. Once you've identified what it is, the next step is to address it.

To your next step beyond hopes and dreams.xx

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