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“Sometimes you have to choose the hard path instead of the easy road”, this is what I was saying to Otonye – my 10year old daughter. Every time I am faced with a difficult decision, I have the option to either choose the difficult path or the easy option.
Here’s an example: you really want your partner to pay more attention to some gnawing issues that have been playing on your mind. Instead of him reading the latest edition of GQ; even though you’re prepared to give away all of your money if it means he gets to look like the gorgeous guy on the front cover, you however would love to talk to him about your pain and concerns. But here’s the dilemma; you worry that the loving conversation you envision will quickly turn into an argument where he would counter that he has always paid you attention and how you make him feel like the bad guy, and what more do you want from him etc. And so suddenly this conversation you hope would be an opportunity to be seen and heard by someone you truly care about blows up into something that leaves you with a bitter “sorry me”, “had I known” after taste.
In the light of these thoughts you decide not to talk to him about it, concluding it’s better to “let the sleeping dog lie” and not stir the waters. As a result, you find yourself trapped with feelings of dissatisfaction and bouts of bitterness all dressed up in an outfit you call choosing peace. But is it?
It’s definitely not peace if it leaves you with discomfort, uneasiness or pain whenever you think about it. Instead of choosing the road with less resistance, chose to go through the emotion and the discomfort and have the conversation. And yes the conversation may well blow up in your face but by choosing courage instead of “peace”, you’re reaffirming yourself and you’re sending a message to yourself that says, I’m important, my feelings are important and I’m worthy. And if the conversation doesn’t blow up in your face, you’ve not only reaffirmed your worthiness, you’ve also used the opportunity to deepen your relationship with your partner. Either way, you’ve chosen a healthy option rather than a resentful alternative.
Have you ever found yourself in a situation like this? or do you know someone ;-) who's experienced a situation like this? How did you or they deal with it? Leave me your comments in the comment section.
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